I finally saw Eyes Wide Shut, and it was brilliant. During the whole movie, all I felt I wanted to do was to get up and dance. I love how Kubrick incorporated the waltz into a lot of his movies. So, during the end credits, I got up and fouette'd my little heart out. I saw my shadow and watched my arms, my port de bras was impressive, considering I haven't danced in a full year and a half. It makes me want to go back. My sister told me the other day that she loves to watch me dance and she was sad when I quit. I would even give up smoking so I could start again, I just don't have the money. I wish I did.

roots grow, melt
with unabashed
luxury into damp,
giving earth
feeding from past
life, and thrive.

who but the mother
can feel connection,
the pestilant
nature of figures
who push to reclaim
dignity before roaring
flames.

shame creates the
laughter that echoes
in silent minds
as one does nothing
to break the unholy
cycle of abandon.

there are no roots,
only grey, shallow
weeds that infect
the garden of ripe
symbiosis.

My dad is a jackass in every single aspect of the word. For spring break, I will not be going home. In fact, I think I'll find a way to get out of going home for summer, too. Because of a certain turn of events, from now on, my life is going to be hell. On a stick.

...I have a huge crush on Denis Leary...

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! Last Saturday I bought porn for rockinyourface (10 points). In March I set chalkbluesky's puppy on fire (-66 points). In July I got in line at the supermarket at the same time as someone else and I didn't yield (-8 points). Last week I didn't flush (-1 points). Last month I helped beautiful_liar_ hide a body (-173 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-238 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking! Sincerely, czarina_amb

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!! I SET A PUPPY ON FIRE!!!!!! Sorry, Lia :)

Reply to this post, and I'll tell you one of a lot of reason[s] why I like/love/adore you. Then put this in your own journal, and spread the love.



Thenn...TEA PARTY tomorrow at 3:00 in the Tinker Coffee House. Anybody can come, but wear something nice-ish. Food is welcome AND appreciated!!

Would somebody be the most amazing person EVER and pick me up at the airport tomorrow around 4:30?? I would really appreciate it :)

P.S. My mom says my hair is okay. That response is much better than I was expecting.

I'm watching Amityville Horror and I'm not finding it scary at all...but maybe that's because I haven't felt anything all day.

Wasn't mad when my mom called me fat again.
Wasn't happy when I saw my old friend from work.
Wasn't worried when I found out my cousin has a nitrogen bubble stuck in her spine.
Wasn't hurt when my dad grabbed my neck.

Why?

My family sucks. I can't wait to get back.

"I miss you already, beautiful. Hope you had a good time and have a Happy Thanksgiving."

He made me smile.

I'm still waiting for you to make me smile.

I don't want to wait around wondering if you'll call or text me.

I just bought the new Madonna album. Her music video for Hung Up...ah...just, wow. Madonna is hhhhhhoooooooottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

I also bought a Marilyn Manson cd and a Bowie record. I can't wait to sit down, burn incense and listen to the album...but my record player isn't here...dammit.

Oh well, I'm going to a Hookah Bar and then a concert tonight!!!!!!! Yay for indie bands...and hookah.

Sometimes I truely hate my dad. He drills me with questions all the time to the point where I snap and yell at him to change the subject. Then when I immediately apologize after and ask how his day was, he imitates me and snaps back. He's such a bastard. He knows exactly how much that annoys me, but he keeps doing it anyway because he tries to get under my skin. Sometimes I think I'd rather go back to when he'd hurt me in other ways, just so I could avoid his horrible condescending tone.

I hate home.

EDIT: I'm extremely lonely being here.

I smoke so I don't gain weight. Everytime I feel the need to eat, I just smoke and the craving goes away.

I ate Vietnamese today, which I love. After the meal, though, I felt so disgustingly fat. All I wanted to do was get it out of my system.

Just now, I looked in the mirror and I hate what I see. I'm disgusting. My body is disgusting.

I'm hungry, so it's time for a cigarette.

I just bought the most amazing shoes at my favorite store in the Loop. They make me happy.

You know what else usually makes me happy?

Hari Chrishna's. They were jamming all over the Loop tonight.

So why aren't these things making me happy tonight?

When things go really well for me, I should just learn to expect that something reallly horrible will happen. My chest feels like it's being stomped on by an elephant.

So...
If something is wrong, tell me. Please don't ignore me, I don't think I can handle it.

I can't wait to see you. Just to be near you will be elation.

I hope you are having an amazing birthday :)